you know, i’ve always been afraid of telling you how i feel cause we both have such crazy pasts and i know it isnt gonna change a thing. we’ve never even met and i can still be so crazy about you. im so sorry for hurting you, i never even meant to bring you the kind of pain i did. you’re probably not even in love with me anymore but i think this is the only place i can really let all my feelings out. im so happy that you’re finally happy and getting on with your life. today, i read through every single message we’ve ever sent to eachother old ones and new ones, it took me about 2 hours. you fought for me so hard when i was with “robbie” i teared you down, but then i finally took a chance on you and it was the best choice i’ve ever made. i was so damn happy with you, you made me feel more special than anyone has ever made me feel..from distance you did that. i still remember the first time we talked on the phone, you hung up on me cause i said your voice wasnt cute but i was joking everytime you talked i just instantly smiled cause it was the cutest thing i’ve ever heard. you have made me fall completely in love with you from million miles away. you’re the only person i would give up absolutely anything for you. i have to say when  we were together we fought alot, but back then i was so different than i am now. of course from this day, everytime i see you in a relationship or flirting with a girl my heart still stinks a little and my heart beats a little slower. you used to feel this way about me, you used to be the one so crazy over me and begging for a chance. now its my turn, im gonna fight for you until you tell me to stop or until giving up is the only choice i have left. i’m so crazy about you, i can promise you and swear to god up and down no one will ever feel the way i about you. i remember every little thing that has happened between us. the day we picked out the house we would live in, the day we talked about when we have sex what we will tell our kids we are doing “wrestling” everything we’ve ever talked about, replays in my head everynight while i fall asleep. i sound like some obsessed ex girlfriend posting all this stuff but letting it out, helps me alot more than you think. jayy, im so sorry for hurting you and letting you down so many times. believing stupid people over you, and letting other people get between us. im sorry for leaving you when things got hard, but i promise you if you give me another chance i will treat you perfect. i will give up anyone and everything for you. actions speak louder than words, so please let me show you but if you dont want me too then thats fine, you probably already have feelings for another girl or w/e but im fighting for you as much as i can. im coming straight head on in this situation. i know things have been really hard and complicated for us these past 2 years,but its been worth every single fight, smile, tears, breakup, makeup and everything else along the way. i dont think there will be a time where im fully over you. a part of me, will always love you and want you to be mine. i know im asking alot from you right now to take me back, but if you even feel the slighest thing for me please at least tell me you do. i wanna be the one to send you goodmorning texts, call you at night and talk about everything. yes, we said forever alot when we were together but idk if we are gonna even talk again. we talk on and off, yes but if we got back together and it worked out i’d fly right out to you the minute i turn 18 even before that and spend absolutely every minute with you. im so serious about you, and its so crazy cause i dont even know if you care anymore. i just want another chance to turn this around and make you feel loved again the right way. everythings so different this time, and i want to show you that. i will give you everything you want and make you so happy, i promise. but i guess what im trying to say is im so fucking in love with you and i dont even know how to function anymore without you. i dont know what to say anymore, everything i’ve pretty much said here but i love you so much jayy and i always will. no matter what, after you read this which im gonna make sure you do cause you need too if you take me back or you tell me no i hope you’re happy and i hope i can give you everything you’ve ever wanted and if you reject me, i want you to be happy and smile no matter what. im always here for you to fall back on, no matter what. no matter how much you hurt me, no matter who you pick. even if you picked some girl over me, and no matter what you’re always gonna be mine i dont care what any girl says you’re mine. i’d still be right here waiting on you like i have been this entire time. i’ve always tried putting my feelings behind the wall and finding someone else, but it has never worked out for me. i want you and only you. i dont know how to make this go away, but i love you. 

don’t change the source.

Things That Are Hard To Say
A list by me

this is exactly how i feel holy shit perfectly accurate